marmite breath slept here

"Towanda ordained that: an equal number of men and women would be in the government and sit in on peace talks; she and her staff of crack chemical scientists would find a cure for cancer and invent a pill that would let you eat all you want and not gain weight.........."

Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café.  By Fannie Flagg.

I went shoe shopping today, y'all,  so understandably, I want to kill myself tonight.  

Lotta and my lovely cousin Jo have convinced me that I need to "kick it up a notch" in the shoe department, and after Aaron admitted that he wasn't wild about the shoes I had, I decided that three people saying new shoes is enough to warrant new shoes.   I think that rule is from the Geneva Convention or something.

Lotta sent me some ideas (LOVED THEM) so I took the ideas and went shopping with them.  I found just the perfect shoes, but couldn't find them in my size (fat pork chop).  We then went to the mall to look, and Oh, Dear God, it was crowded.   And on the way there, it was snowing.  (Cannot believe it is getting cold enough to snow, but it does offer more opportunities to see this hilarity, and that is one of my favourite pictures EVER!).  

And in the tradition of me attracting strangeness wherever I go, we did see this INSANE SIGHT on Main Street!  And they say living in the Midwest is boring?!   I mean, come on!  It is a big-ass turkey just strolling down the street!  (The weirdest part of the entire situation was the two guys in the background.  Aaron leaned out of the window and jokingly said in an exaggerated Southern accent, "Y'all don't got a gun, do ya? Cause, there's dinner right there!" and one of the guys said, "Nope, but I gotta knife in m' truck and I'm about to go after that thing.  It ain't got a tag on, it's turkey season, and it's within city limits.")

So, anyway, I am still on the lookout for super-hot shoes, but I did get (at Kohl's, the other day) a lovely new wrap, some great earrings and necklace, cute little bag and most importantly, some massive stretchy underwear to go underneath the dress and squeeze my stomach in and make everybody think that I have not had two children.  I like to call them magic knickers.  It helps me feel better about wearing them.

Oh, and I just wanted to say, thanks for the compliments and advice, everyone.  I wanted to turn off comments on that, because I wasn't fishing for compliments at all (I am notoriously bad about accepting them graciously and usually make people want to smack me after it's all said and done).

I need wine to relax.  This damn ball has just been giving me an ulcer.  I've also decided to chuck-in the diet.  Who cares if I'm thin by Friday?  It's not going to happen so I have stopped caring!   In the spirit of not caring, I made Nigella's Cream Cheese Brownies (Aaron ate about eight of them and I ate four, and I bet the magic knickers will have their work cut out for them) and I made (for the first time) Fried Green Tomatoes.  Holy Crap!  They're awesome!  I was so sad that the frost killed the tomato plants, but the Father in Law (yes, he whose arse I inadvertently saw) suggested I make fried green tomatoes out of the ones left on the vine.   Whooooeeeee, I'm so glad he did!

I leave you tonight with a video that makes me feel a little bit better about myself. 

Click here to see the Dove Video

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!