Before I say anything at all, I keep meaning to mention that I got a haircut, and I know that I have to write down every little detail in my life, so yes. I got a haircut. And thanks to Aaron's bad picture taking (Was this supposed to be the front of me, hon?) you can see my hair! Okay, I will now continue with the blog.
This time four years ago, our boy was almost eleven months old, our girl had just turned five, and we were being flown (courtesy U.S Navy) back to the States for Tom to have surgery on his poor little willy. He was born with hypospadias and needed to have it fixed before he got old enough to realize what the hell was happening to him.
Well, we spent Christmas in a hotel room in Bethesda, Maryland, and while it could have been worse, it was definitely not my favourite Christmas. The kids enjoyed themselves though, and Tom got to see snow for the first time in his life. We tooled around Washington D.C and explored the area and generally hung around waiting for the doc to tell us we could go back to Italy. Mum and Dad and the MIL and FIL came up too, and we had Christmas with each of them, which was nice. What's that, you say? You want to see pictures? Uh, well, if my public asks, I must oblige!
Basically though, I'm very glad we'll be with all the family this Christmas. Well, nearly all. Carly won't be there, which sucks, and of course, we're not with any of the fam in England, but you know what I mean. We're together as much as we can be, and we're not going to be driving up and down somewhere on Christmas Day looking for somewhere to eat dinner! (Thanks, Bennigans! You rock!)
Question: Am I finished with my Christmas shopping?
Answer: Please put me out of my misery.
Question: How many cookies did I eat today?
Answer: Please let me find some bigger pants.
You know, if Aaron finds out I am blogging instead of packing, I am dead meat. Uh, I hear him getting up off the couch. I'd better pretend to be packing and cleaning. I will try and blog when I get to Arkansas. Remember, I'll have lots of things to blog about. We leave tomorrow. With the dog. Oh.Holy.Crap. That's going to be one long trip! But at the end of it, there will be cousins!! And Grandparents!! And presents! And Santa! Hadleigh will be happy with the girl cousins and Tom will be happy with the boy cousins. And y'all, I hope Aidan doesn't still like to wear Hadleigh's clothes, because it is crazy.
Before I leave, I want to give you a little something, since it's so close to Christmas and all. Here you go. I'm lucky I didn't knock my eyes out with my own tatas.
It's me doing a leprechaun dance at the Griffins Christmas two years ago. And here are the pictures that go with that night. Damn. We're mental. They made me smile tonight, and I hope they make you laugh, even if it is at me and not with me.
Bonus Gift: Tom singing in a restaurant. You're welcome. I laughed at Had's mortification.
PS) You've heard it from some other Nat, but The Shins will change your life. Or at least, this video and song of theirs will make the corners of your mouth turn up.
Don't just take my word for it........ Fairytale of New York is the best Christmas song ever! (For God's sake, click the link to watch the video. You won't be sorry!)
When Kirsty starts singing, it never fails to choke me up. But then I get over it and enjoy a raucous singalong and end up missing The Griffins (Had's Irish Godparents). I guess because (a) Shane MacGowan is Irish and (b) raucous singalongs and The Griffins are linked forever in my mind. Oh, and (c) it makes me think of Christmas and things past.
R.I.P, Kirsty. May you find justice. I sing your beautiful songs often and they make me happy and sad at the same time. I can't find the video for A New England, but, I have the song on my mp3 player, and it's brilliant.
Me: Er, I never thought I would actually say these words, but could you please stop reading the dictionary and brush your teeth so we can leave?
Had: Awww!! Can I read it in the van? I love improving my vocabulary! I'm learning despondently and asset.
Me [to self]: Please let her still be nerdy when she's a teenager. Please never let her pretend to be dumb.
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Hadleigh: Mom, I don't like Rolf in the Sound of Music.
Me: Why not, Had?
Had: Well, the part about him being on the side of the Nazis isn't so bad, but he's just such a liar to Liesl.
Me [stuffing entire fist in mouth to stop from laughing]: Well, actually Had, I'd say being on the side of the Nazis is sort of worse than being a liar.
Had [thoughtfully]: Hmm. I guess you're right.
You have no idea how badly I wanted to just log on here on Friday night and post pictures of rainbows and unicorns. I just kept chanting to myself, "The girls having fun is more important than your Christmas tree remaining upright" when it was becoming increasingly obvious that in order for them to have fun, they were going to have to dance and stomp so much that my (less decorated than the main tree) Christmas tree kept threatening to fall over.
Whew. We got through it though. And as usual in those sort of situations, I appreciate my children very, very much. I'm not saying they're perfect, and I'm not saying that I'm a perfect mother, but Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I am amazed sometimes at the rudeness and disrespect that is common for kids nowadays. Oh, and where are my false teeth? And my cane? Seriously though, people, kids nowadays. Tut tut. But the girls had fun, and I guess my issues are plentiful enough without trying to teach manners or acceptable social behaviour to every kid I happen to be around. My mantra should be, "Let it go, you can't control it" but it is usually, "You can FIX this!". Yes, I do end up disappointed a lot.
As Aaron said (so kindly) yesterday, "Damn! You're so controlling! I wish I'd have known about that in the two hours I knew you before I knocked you up!"
Also, could I get dooced from the Brownies for this post??? I haven't mentioned any names! I love them! Honestly!
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Also this weekend, Hadleigh's birthday. I planned a party for her and I must say, it went very well. She held court like a true Princess. If you know Had, you know that she would kill me for that remark. In fact, when threatening the kids tonight, we threatened Tom with having to wear a Care Bear shirt to school and Hadleigh with having to wear a Disney Princess shirt. We don't own either one, but the kids live in fear that we will buy them and use them for evil. We're terrible (Muriel).
So the short version is that Hadleigh had a terrific time. And that's it, really. I could go on and on about a lot of other stuff, but I won't. I just love my kid, and all the planning and effort was absolutely worth it because she truly enjoyed herself this weekend. I just don't ever want to see another third grader again. Ever. Okay, joking, obviously, because I am much beloved leader of Brownies. Ha ha. Go ahead and laugh. Especially those of you who know me in real life. I want to be beloved, but I probably spend a lot of time going, "Girls, settle down!" instead of "Girls, I unconditionally support you!" although it would sound weird if I shouted that everytime they got rowdy.
Bittersweet day though. For me, not her.
I can't believe she's nine. I won't wax lyrical about it all, because, well, I'm sure you'd all find it boring, but needless to say, from the moment I heard her heartbeat, I loved her. And with every heartbeat since then, I've loved her more. Love you, Hadders.
Click here for a Flickr slideshow of Had's birthday pictures. I'll shut up now.
But not about the cake I made for her. Because OMG! Take a look at this!
Oh, the cleverness of me!! Ask Aaron how many times I told him to open the fridge and gaze upon the miracle of the cake. Ask him how many times I sang the tune to Handel's Messiah when opening fridge and viewing cake. Ask him how many minutes he tolerated all of it. I am willing to admit that I was completely obnoxious about how well it turned out. I was giddy and ridiculous and on a creative high. I feel an aside coming on here.
(I have been feeling very creative. I even finished a pillowcase for some couch pillows the other day. It wasn't easy though. It took at least fifteen phonecalls to my Mother in Law in which I screeched, "How do you get the bleeping buttonhole function to work on this sewing machine. Call me back." *beeeep* "Frickin' sewing machine is giving me an aneurism! I hate it! Call me back!" *beeeeep* "Why am I so stupid? Why aren't you here? Why do the sewing machine gods hate meeeeeeee? " *beep* I finally figured it out (after she talked me through the problem) but I still felt a bit stupid asking this woman for help with a button hole. After all, she made this work of art for Hadleigh's christening, so I am slightly intimidated by her sewing prowess).
Okay, back to the cake. Hadleigh loved it, so, again, it was all absolutely worth it. God, I'm a stuck record aren't I? Speaking of stuck records, if I ever hear this again, it will be too soon. I actually banned it from the party (boo! hiss!) in favour of Had's new Hannah Montana CD. I caught myself singing along to a few of those, along with the songs from The Sound of Music. How come it never gets old to sing Do Re Mi with your daughter while both of you are in full Julie Andrews mode? Oh, it does get old? Oh, shut up. We only sang it fifty times! Even Tom is enjoying singing "So Long, Farewell" except he sings the lyrics, "So long, farewell, I need to zayn, goodbye". Apparently, I need to zayn is German for Goodbye. We have also been watching the final scene in Dirty Dancing on YouTube. I was eleven years old when it first came out, and it was a big favourite with me and my friends. Who among us did not cry during this scene? Who among us did not relate to Jennifer Grey's schnozz and awkwardness? (Just me? Oh, okay). I saw Hadleigh fall in love with this little snippet of film tonight. It led to me attempting to jump into Aaron's arms and be lifted over his head. We have it on video. Oh, the horror! The kids found it hilarious though, and enjoyed mine and Aaron's duet and subsequent dancing retardedness. I need a record player. I have the album and don't think that listening to it on CD would be the same.
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So now from the last bit, I can neatly segue into the next thing happening around here (hey, it's musically related)............ Tom's Christmas program today. All I can say is, I got the giggles so badly, and then started weeping uncontrollably at the same time. All this while I am filming and taking pictures. I love to hear kids sing, but this was something special. As the kids filed in and sat down in their assigned places, I literally felt my heart swell up. It could have been gas, but I'm pretty sure it was Mother Love. In fact, I know it was Mother Love and not gas, because (a) I have not eaten a single vegetable all weekend (because there was cake to be had) and (b) I was filled with a compulsion to go up there and eat him up. He was insanely cute! No, I'm not just saying that because he's mine! He was ADORABLE! The child next to him is devilish, thanks to my stupidness about removing redeye. I want so badly to post some video from this, but I think the Internet might explode with the cuteness of it all, so I will put it all on a disk and make my Mum watch it all at Christmas. Hi Mum!
Also, please don't email me saying when are you going to cut his hair. He does not yet look like Ryder Russell Robinson, although I'm sure the day is not far off. Actually, Tom's hair curls, so it is very cute. And there is nothing cuter than a curly haired boy singing "Star of Bethlehem" in a musical key that hasn't even been invented yet.
Dear Self,
Next time you decide to plan a sleepover and a birthday party on the same weekend, punch yourself in the face and then tell yourself that the punch is a lot less painful than telling eleventy billion girls to "TAKE TURNS ALREADY and also, PUT THE KNIFE DOWN. It is for CUTTING ORANGES FOR THE FRUIT FIZZ and NOT cleaning your nails!"
Also, darling self, remember that you are always telling yourself to be more patient and less controlling. Keep that in mind and let yourself go to your happy place if you need to chill out. Lalalala, rainbows and unicorns, etc.
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Dear Parent of Hadleigh's Classmate,
I'm sorry that your daughter's birthday is on the same weekend that I am hosting a sleepover AND a birthday party. I'm sorry that my daughter cannot attend your daughter's sleepover. I'm sorry that even though I was very kind and called you and explained why my daughter could not come and also why a few of the girls in the class would not be able to come, that you were so abrupt and cold with me. I'm sorry that your Mama did not teach you any manners, you socially inept person. Oh, and if by chance you read this blog, you're very pretty (in your own way). Please don't hurt me.
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Dear Cashier at Local Evil Empire,
HOW FRIKKIN FRAKKIN SLOW ARE YOU? GOD! GET A MOVE ON!! RING UP MY ORANGES AND LET ME GET HOME!
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Dear Cold Weather,
I hate you. Although you are a great excuse to stay home and drink endless supply of tea, hot chocolate and Bailey's in coffee.
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Dear Zit on My Chin,
You are neither welcome nor expected. I thought I was going to have airbrushed looking skin from now on! Dammit!
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Dear Makers of the Recently Purchased $3.50 Ceramic Stove Top Wipes,
You sit on a throne of lies! Your product is utter rubbish!
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Okay, I must go now, because there is laundry to fold and bathrooms to clean before my house is invaded this weekend. And also because I have The Office and Scrubs to watch, and that is the highlight of my life.
I swear, I am going to get back to blogging properly soon. Last month wore me out. Just look at it this way, I am going home in a couple of weeks. I will be seeing my family and my inlaws.
Pause to let enormity of situation sink in.
Just THINK of the blogging possibilities! However, they all read my blog (Hi Family! Hi InLaws!) so there may actually be a few posts that look like this..............
Ho Hum. Not much going on here today. Certainly don't want to kill anybody. Or run screaming onto interstate. Or kill anybody and then chuck them onto interstate. Must get back in there. Not stressed AT ALL! Whew! Love Christmas!
or perhaps,
Der intranut, iloveyou so much becuse you nver judgeme when i hav had tooooooo muchto drink and i love you so muck have i evr told yu that? and ifyou were here now iwud just giv all of you ver biggest hug inder world! hug! *hic* but now i am gon to go back in ther and pretned tobe completely sober and nobod wl know i have been drnk since nine. i bet nobody will knowandmy scret will b safe becos i Know they will not reedmyblog.
*sound of Nat falling off computer chair and laying in heap*
Something about this makes me cry. It's not the spelling. There's something so innocent and sweet about it. It's like he wants to be grown up and have a girlfriend, but he doesn't want to act like he cares too terribly much.
Dear, Hedleigh
did you ask your mom or dad if you could go on a date with me? if they said yes, I be happy! If not, well, I don't care, its fine. You could come over to my house. I'm sure my mom would let you, you no why becaus your my first girlfriend I ever had in my life.
I love you Hedleigh.
Love, Dallas
Seriously, I could cry! I don't know why though. It's just sweet and funny and terrible all at once. I don't really care about the spelling and all that other stuff. I just care that he is nice to her. But make no mistake, there will be no going over to his house. And he's not coming over here either!! Hadders thinks this boy is lovely, and I am trying to remember who I loved when I was her age. I believe it was Mark Barwell or Paul Gallagher. I wonder what ever happened to them? I guess that's why Google was invented, right?
So, in case you were wondering, I didn't win anything. It was all completely random and it does not mean that I am a loser. So there. Not a loser. Okay? NOT a loser!! NOT!! WAAAAAAAAAHH!! List of winners can be found here
Anyway, I'm not bovvered in the slightest. I have got bigger things to worry about, such as my daughter coming home telling me she has a BOYFRIEND! *faints* And it is a different boy than the one she has been obsessed with since first grade, thank GOD! But this one may be worse, because he can't spell, and I just don't know if I can live with it. Here are the notes that I have been privy to (stolen from her backpack). Not really, she knows I have them.
She came home today and said, "Dallas* wanted to kiss me but I said no because I know you'll kill me, right?" and I said, "Right. Go and get your snack off the table and let's never speak of this again!"
**These notes are actually real notes. I have not changed the spelling or grammar, unfortunately. **
Dear Heighdlie [this was the first line and it was enough to convince me that he is not the one for her!]
Your the best girlfriend I've ever had in my life. You know why? because I Love you. I can't even bielive it. no girl likes me. but you I love.
Love, Dallas
and this
Dear, Hadleigh
If you died I would have the worst life. I'd love you to go on a date. would you go on a date with me, please. I love you so much I do not want to break up with you. would you kiss me at reusses.
After much deliberation, I will be sending the following to school tomorrow:
Dear Dallas,
I'm sure you are a very sweet boy, but I must be honest with you, your spelling is atrocious. I must insist that you not try to court my daughter until (a) I am dead and (b) you can spell her name. Also, thank the Lord that there is no such thing as reusses. If you try to kiss my daughter at recess, you can be sure that either me or her father will open up a can of whoop ass on you.
Cordially,
Your Never To Be Mother in Law
*name changed to protect the language murderer.
Are you all amazed that I was able to blog about utter shite every day for 30 days? Because the owner and operator of this blog is certainly amazed!
I've had a very trying week, most of it hormonal. I've been clumsy and idiotic and I'll be so glad that tomorrow is (a) Friday and (b) The start of December. We have advent calendars, and they contain chocolate. Say no more, right?
Not only did I start off NaBloPoMo by backing the van out of the garage without opening the door, but I managed to close the garage door onto the van yesterday. I hadn't pulled the van in far enough. FUUUUUUUUDGE!
Last night, after dragging my ass out in sub-zero (uh, felt like it) weather to the gym at ten o'clock at night, I thought it would be a good idea, while walking at 4mph on the treadmill, to take off my sweatshirt. Try to imagine how absolutely ridiculous I looked when I got the sweatshirt stuck on my head with the headphones tangled in it and fell off the back of the treadmill. Have you imagined it yet? Did you laugh? Because all I could do was flail helplessly and make "woooaaaah" noises to the empty gym while I scrambled to stay on the machine. I'm just so grateful that the gym really was empty. Thank you, baby Jesus.
Today I went to the basement and didn't turn down the enormous pan of butter beans cooking away. I came upstairs to find that all the water had bubbled up out of the pan onto the ceramic cooktop. There was a lake of bean water everywhere. I wanted to cry. I cleaned it up, added more water to the beans, went downstairs to work on something else (the Christmas napkins for the eight billion teachers) and forgot about the beans until I smelled burning and ran upstairs to find that they had burned to oblivion.
Talking of napkins, I edged them nicely and was putting Fray Check on them, when the stupid Fray Check got backed up, so when I squeezed the bottle, all the stuff exploded out onto everything in sight. AAAAAAAAARGHHH!!
The Father in Law is improving, other than making The Mother in Law laugh because he is hallucinating on his meds. I know it is cruel to laugh. I shouldn't. But God, he's hilarious when he's high!
The Granny in Law had hip surgery today and the Sister in Law is having surgery next week. I wish they'd all settle down and stop getting sick and needing medical attention. Jeeeeeeeez!! Okay, speedy recoveries to all of yers. Oh, and Emma and Sharon, hope you both feel better soon aswell.
Aaron has had a dodgy stomach for a few days. He didn't feel very well one night this week after pasta and sausage and has been off ever since. Of course, I accuse him of being a malingerer and refuse to take pity on him. (See the bad wife excuse from the other day). I swear, I would be nicer to him if he wasn't always moaning about one thing or another. Anybody feel sorry for him yet? Don't.
Anyway, so Hadleigh heard him yesterday talking about how every time he burped, he tasted sausage and pasta, so tonight when I offered her the choice of pork chops with rice or leftover sausage and pasta, she claimed that the sausage and pasta may have been responsible for the stomach sickness in the family.
Uh, no! I told her that it was not likely, since Tom was sick before we ate that and he didn't even eat any of it. She agreed and she ate an entire plate of the leftovers. So did Tom, who has recovered from the stomach lurgy, except for a bit of middle of the night pooping. I can't believe I'm writing about that.
So when Aaron comes home, I told him what Hadleigh had said, and he said, "I thought the same thing! Throw it away" and I said, "I fed it to the kids! It's fine!!" and he said, "No way! You shouldn't have done that, and you know you shouldn't!"
And then the world went black, because did he just accuse me of suspecting that the food was off and then feeding it to my kids anyway?? Oh no he di'nt!
So then we gave the kids a few nice memories to tell to their therapists. Here are the ones that I can remember:
Me threatening to give Aaron a moustache with permanent marker when he falls asleep and me stabbing him in the leg with a toothpick while he tried to hug me.
Thus ends NaBloPoMo and possibly my marriage if he ever accuses me of that again. Of course, as soon as he knew I was going to blog about it, he backtracked and claimed he did not mean it that way. Okaaaay.
Now I must put the kids to bed and send Aaron to TCBY. Because while it is no longer National Blog Posting Month, it is Nat'sTimeOfTheMonth and things could get ugly if I don't get junk food.
Thanks everybody for sticking with me this month. I'm sure you'll understand if I take a teensy break, but I hope I won't lose any readers. I will probably start posting again on Monday.
Aut Blog Aut Mori. Blog or Die, y'all!
Peter and the Starcatchers by Dave Barry, Ridley Pearson
This is a prequel to the original story of Peter Pan, which we read a couple of months ago and really enjoyed. I'm interested to see what Dave Barry does with this. So far the kids are riveted.
Evening Class by Maeve Binchy
I admit it. I LOVE Maeve Binchy. This is one of my faves and I reread them when I want a bit of comfort.
Calculus the Easy Way (Easy Way Series) by Douglas Downing Ph.D.
Calculus problems written as a fantasy story? Yes! It probably is as nerdy as it sounds, but it's on Aaron's bedside table!
